I've been thinking life was great, all was good, and then WHAM!!!! Did NOT see that coming. And ouch, it hurts BAD!
I was at an intermediate school, promoting my school and program to 6th-8th graders. In a large cafeteria, surrounded by noise. I looked across the room and my eyes fell on the far table.
Oh yes, it was THAT table. You know, the one the other kids ignore. Or the one that they laugh and point to as they pass it by....that table. You can see it now, can't you?
The table only has 6 kids. And 2 adults. They arrived before everyone else and leave before everyone else. No one interacts with the people at the table, other than the people sitting there...
You can really see the table now, can't you?
Is it obvious now why I'm crying?
I can see Cody at that table.
He's come a long way since the first 9 weeks of school, but looking deeper into it, I have to wonder, did he REALLY? I mean yes, his attitude and behavior has improved tremendously. His grades went from barely passing to all A's, including an E for THE FIRST TIME EVER in PE!!!! Even the staff at church commented on how great he's doing on Sunday mornings.
But now I'm led to ask, is he getting A's in a dumbed-down classroom? He's not being any more included in the regular education classroom than he was 9 weeks ago...he's still mainly in his safe little capsule of a classroom, going out with his "regular" 4th grade class for PE and lunch, but he doesn't interact with those kids...how can he be included if he's not around them? Sure, he's invited to their class Valentine party, but he doesn't know the kids that he made valentine cards for...
In my heart I know he's in the right place, but I can't help but look to the future and hope that Cody doesn't become an occupant at that table. I know he's capable of way more than that. It hurts to see the other tables full of laughing, talking, friends and know that right now, he doesn't fit in there. I'm wondering if he ever will.
It makes me want to scream and cry. It's not fair. I know, no one ever said life was fair. Instead of saying "why me?" I am supposed to say "why NOT me?" But at this moment, I can't say it. All I can do from here is pray. Pray that he gets his chance to soar. And that when he does, I can let him fly.
Prayer, by Celine Dion
Can we touch the soul of heaven
Can we unite a sacred lesson
Every child creates a skylight of beauty
Can you hear cathedrals falling
All the universe is calling
Cry a single cello from your heart
Since the world has lost her way
Loneliness journey endlessly
Yet the promised chance remains
Gift of what could be
So let the children remember the sun
Let them dance
Let them soar
For their lives have begun
Let the children engender the rain
As the river runs through fields
Forever subsiding their pain
Prayer
Every voice along the shoreline
Standing still within time
Spinning unresolved the walking
As each season passes
Through wonderland and looking glasses
The secret garden shines beckons you
Gentle flower, don't fade away
Sweet innocent still harbors thee
In faith of golden dreams
Where one love lives eternally
Let the children remember the sun
Let them dance
Let them soar
For their lives have begun
Let the children engender the rain
As the river runs through fields
Forever subsiding their pain
Prayer
(Bless the children) For they are the light
They are the truth of spirit in flight
Yes, the children engender the rain
As the river runs through life
Healing their pain
You could trust with your heart but for time
Sweet angel, conceive you have
Forever and always believed
Prayer
Don't Laugh at Me, by Mark WillsI'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep
I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet
I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone cross that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all
Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me
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