Wish You Were Here

Well, it's November.  The time of year when people give thanks for the blessings in their lives.  Ask most guys why they're excited, and it's because it's "No-Shave November".   That and because football is in full swing.  Facebook friends are doing the daily "Today I am thankful for" posts to show how much they are thankful for each day. I am thankful for many things and could probably fulfill the daily quota of postings but instead I'm once again not able to.  It's not that I don't have things to list each day, as I am blessed beyond what I am worth. Instead, I am reminded what I don't have as the holidays approach...my Grandmother.  G-Mom.  Joyce.  Momma to her kids.  It's been 4 months since she went to Heaven and it feels like yesterday.  I think about her daily.  As I pass the cemetery on my way home each day, my eyes are drawn to where her earthly body is, and I say a little prayer for her and whisper, "I miss you."  I miss her smile, the way she would hold your face in your hands when she gave you a kiss, our monthly lunch dates, going to her house to visit and completing the list of little odd jobs she had for me, stealing a piece of candy from the glass jar on the coffee table, family events at her  house, holidays, helping her run errands and shopping, the aromas from her kitchen, seeing family members "Joycing"... I know she is in Heaven with Grandfather and her siblings/family and I know that one day I WILL see her again.  I just want it to be soon.  This holiday season will be our first without her.  The other day, several of her kids and grandkids/great grandkids set down to plan the meal for Christmas when all of her kids/grandkids/great grandkids/great great grandkids would be in attendance...will I be able to make it through these holidays??  I am sad that she won't be here, but in her honor, we are going to have a "Cajun Christmas"....gone will be the traditional ham with sides, and in it's place will be gumbo, GMom's rice dressing, boudin, GMom's syrup cake, crawfish cornbread, jambalaya...things that both Grandmother and Grandfather would love.   Part of me wants it to hurry up and get here so we can celebrate, yet the other part reminds me that even though we are celebrating, I'd much rather be celebrating with her here.  One more hug.  One more "I love you."  One more list with my name neatly written on it with little odd-jobs that she wanted me to help her with.   I am reminded of the saying "You don't know what you've got until it's gone."  I've always knew it was true and tried to live life with that as one of my mottos.  Some days it's harder than others to remember that.  But when we lose someone, it is then that we realize how valuable the time spent with them really was.  I will cherish my memories.  I just wish she were here.   Wish You Were Here, by Mark Wills They kissed goodbye at the terminal gate She said, "You're gonna be late if you don't go" He held her tight, said, "I'll be alright I'll call you tonight to let you know" He bought a postcard, on the front it just said Heaven With a picture of the ocean and the beach And the simple words he wrote her Said he loved her and they told her How he'd hold her if his arms would reach Wish you were here, wish you could see this place Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face The weather's nice, it's paradise It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here" She got a call that night but it wasn't from him It didn't sink in right away, ma'am the plane went down Our crews have searched the ground No survivors found she heard him say But somehow she got a postcard in the mail That just said Heaven with a picture of the ocean and the beach And the simple words he wrote her Said he loves and they told her How he'd hold her if his arms would reach Wish you were here, wish you could see this place Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face The weather's nice, it's paradise It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here" The weather's nice, in paradise It's summertime all year and all the folks we know They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here" Wish you were here

Family Matters

I've been thinking that it's time I wrote about another family member....my son Casey.....but for some reason, this feels right, right now, to not write about Casey just yet. 

Instead, I'm sharing my sister Karen with you. 

Growing up, we had a love-hate relationship, like most sisters.  We had our share of fights and I'm sure some days she hated me like no one's business.  Thankfully though we found a way to get past that and now that we're grown up, we actually like each other....we love each other and value one another...and know, even without speaking the words, how much we mean to each other.

My favorite picture is one of me, probably about 5 years old, giving her a big hug and she was hugging me back.  After some crazy teenage drama years, we can now re-take that photo, each of us loving the other unconditionally.  Sisters share an amazing bond, and I am so thankful that I have her.  We're both so busy that it's hard to spend lots of time together, but when we are together, we have fun! 

For Karen, my friend, my sister.  Love you!  I'm so happy that I have you in my life...


My Sister, by Reba McEntire

Hey girl, it's me
I just called to tell you hi
Call me when you get thisHaven't talked lately
So hard to find the time
Give the boys a big kiss
Tell them that I miss them
By the way I miss you too

I was thinking just today
'Bout how we used to play
Barbie dolls and make up
Tea parties, dress up
I remember how we'd fight
And make up and laugh all night
Wish we were kids again
My sister...
My friend

Oh yeah, before I
Forget, I met someone
I think I really like him
I was just wonderin'
If I'm jumping' the gun
By going out on a limb
And invite him home for Christmas
To meet the family

Seems like just yesterday
You brought home old what's-his-name
He had been drinkin'
What were you thinkin'
After dinner he passed out
We can laugh about it now
We've learned a lot since then
My sister...
My friend

Do you think you could come and
See me sometime soon?
We could just hang out like
We used to

It's late and I should go
But I can't hang up the phone
Until I tell you
What I don't tell you enough
Even though at times it seemed
We were more like enemies
I'd do it all again...
My sister...
My friend

My PRAYER/Dont' Laugh at Me

So today, it hit me...smack in the face when I least expected it....

I've been thinking life was great, all was good, and then WHAM!!!!  Did NOT see that coming.  And ouch, it hurts BAD!

I was at an intermediate school, promoting my school and program to 6th-8th graders.  In a large cafeteria, surrounded by noise.  I looked across the room and my eyes fell on the far table. 

Oh yes, it was THAT table.  You know, the one the other kids ignore.  Or the one that they laugh and point to as they pass it by....that table.  You can see it now, can't you?

The table only has 6 kids.  And 2 adults.  They arrived before everyone else and leave before everyone else.  No one interacts with the people at the table, other than the people sitting there...

You can really see the table now, can't you?

Is it obvious now why I'm crying? 

I can see Cody at that table. 

He's come a long way since the first 9 weeks of school, but looking deeper into it, I have to wonder, did he REALLY?  I mean yes, his attitude and behavior has improved tremendously.  His grades went from barely passing to all A's, including an E for THE FIRST TIME EVER in PE!!!!  Even the staff at church commented on how great he's doing on Sunday mornings. 

But now I'm led to ask, is he getting A's in a dumbed-down classroom?  He's not being any more included in the regular education classroom than he was 9 weeks ago...he's still mainly in his safe little capsule of a classroom, going out with his "regular" 4th grade class for PE and lunch, but he doesn't interact with those kids...how can he be included if he's not around them?  Sure, he's invited to their class Valentine party, but he doesn't know the kids that he made valentine cards for...

In my heart I know he's in the right place, but I can't help but look to the future and hope that Cody doesn't become an occupant at that table.  I know he's capable of way more than that.  It hurts to see the other tables full of laughing, talking, friends and know that right now, he doesn't fit in there.  I'm wondering if he ever will. 

It makes me want to scream and cry.  It's not fair.  I know, no one ever said life was fair.  Instead of saying "why me?" I am supposed to say "why NOT me?"  But at this moment, I can't say it.  All I can do from here is pray.  Pray that he gets his chance to soar.  And that when he does, I can let him fly.


Prayer, by Celine Dion
Can we touch the soul of heaven
Can we unite a sacred lesson
Every child creates a skylight of beauty

Can you hear cathedrals falling
All the universe is calling
Cry a single cello from your heart

Since the world has lost her way
Loneliness journey endlessly
Yet the promised chance remains
Gift of what could be

So let the children remember the sun
Let them dance
Let them soar
For their lives have begun
Let the children engender the rain
As the river runs through fields
Forever subsiding their pain
Prayer

Every voice along the shoreline
Standing still within time
Spinning unresolved the walking

As each season passes
Through wonderland and looking glasses
The secret garden shines beckons you
Gentle flower, don't fade away
Sweet innocent still harbors thee
In faith of golden dreams
Where one love lives eternally

Let the children remember the sun
Let them dance
Let them soar
For their lives have begun
Let the children engender the rain
As the river runs through fields
Forever subsiding their pain
Prayer

(Bless the children) For they are the light
They are the truth of spirit in flight
Yes, the children engender the rain
As the river runs through life
Healing their pain
You could trust with your heart but for time
Sweet angel, conceive you have
Forever and always believed
Prayer


Don't Laugh at Me, by Mark WillsI'm a little boy with glasses
The one they call the geek
A little girl who never smiles
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth
And I know how it feels
To cry myself to sleep

I'm that kid on every playground
Who's always chosen last
A single teenage mother
Tryin' to overcome my past
You don't have to be my friend
But is it too much to ask

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm the cripple on the corner
You've passed me on the street
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'
If I had enough to eat
And don't think I don't notice
That our eyes never meet

I lost my wife and little boy when
Someone cross that yellow line
The day we laid them in the ground
Is the day I lost my mind
And right now I'm down to holdin'
This little cardboard sign...so

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all

Don't laugh at me
Don't call me names
Don't get your pleasure from my pain
In God's eyes we're all the same
Someday we'll all have perfect wings
Don't laugh at me

What Do You Say At A Moment Like This? and If I Had Only Known

It's a Reba kind of day, folks.

These two instantly came to mind....

My grandmother, Joyce Runte, my Mom's mom, has been in a rehab facility after a bout with a bladder infection....well, that fiesty "old" lady has just let her children know that she no longer wants to continue therapy and doesn't want to try to get stronger because she knows she will never be able to go back to her life before...She is tired of therapy, tired of eating when she doesn't want to, and probably tired of me telling her to eat more and get better...She's ready to go see her beloved James; she's been waiting almost 20 years to see him again, and he's waiting for her...
Not sure how long this process will take, but I'm not ready for it at all.  I'm selfish.  I want more time with her.  I'm thankful for the time we've had with her. 

 

What Do You Say, by Reba McEntire

Stuck at a red light outside an adult bookstore
His son said, "Daddy, what are all those X's for"
As the light turned green he changed the subject fast
He started talkin' 'bout football as they drove right past

CHORUS:
So what do you say in a moment like this
When you can't find the words oh to tell it like it is
Just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way
Let's get out of here oh what do you say

Seventeen years old she was out with her friends
They started drinken' at some party 'til she was three sheets to the wind
Her momma always told her she can call no matter what
She was cryin' on the front steps when her mom showed up

CHORUS:
What do you say in a moment like this
When you can't find the words oh to tell it like it is
Just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way
Let's get out of here oh what do you say

Sometimes you got to listen to the silence
And give yourself a little time to think

Her every breath is weaker than the last
And lately when she sleeps she talks about the past
Her husband knows she's tired of holding on
She looks at him and says I want to go home

What do you say in a moment like this
When you can't find the words to tell it like it is
Just close your eyes and let your heart lead the way
Oh what do you say

Just close your eyes and let your heart lead the way
Oh what do you say

What do you say

If I Had Only Known, by Reba McEntire
If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known

In My Arms

Ok, so again, right now is a very emotional time for me.  John and I had to make a very difficult decision yesterday that will hopefully turn out to be the best thing for Cody...so why do I feel like it's his death sentence?  Trusting God to do HIS work here.

This is a song that I have sung to Chloe since it came out, but right now I feel it needs to be sung to Cody.  It's so hard to let go when I just want to wrap him up in my arms and keep him safe.

In My Arms, by Plumb

Your baby blues
So full of wonder
Your Curly Que’s
Your contagious smile
And as I watch
You start to grow up
All I can do is hold you tight
Knowing
Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
Story books
Are full of fairy-tales
Of kings and queens
And the bluest skies
My heart is torn just in knowing
You’ll someday see
The truth for lies
Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
Castles they might crumble
Dreams may not come true
Cause you are never all alone
Cause I will always
Always love you
Clouds will rage in
Storms will race in
But you will be safe in my arms
Rains will pour down
Waves will crash all around
But you will be safe in my arms
In my arms
In my arms

Wave on Wave

Long day today....work, then tour the SD classroom, then back to work, then Cody's ARD...
tonight on the way home from the grocery store, this song came on, and it hit me, literally, "Wave on Wave"...tears flowed freely hearing Pat Green...It came upon me wave on wave, Cody's the reason I'm still here, He's the one I was sent to save, and it came upon me wave on wave.  OR, was he sent to save me???
Again with the tears...
Thanks Pat.


We’re all playing the same game
We’re all looking for redemption
Just afraid to say the name
So caught up now in pretending
What we’re seeking is the truth
I’m just look for a happy ending
All I’m looking for is you


It came upon me wave on wave
You’re the reason I’m still here
Am I the one you were sent to save?
It came upon me wave on wave


I wandered out into the water
I thought that I might drown
I don’t know what I was after
Just know that I was going down
That’s when she found me
I’m not afraid anymore
She said, you know I always had ya baby
Just waiting for you to find what you were looking for


It came upon me wave on wave
You’re the reason I’m still here
Am I the one you were sent to save?
It came upon me wave on wave


Wave on wave
Wave on wave


The clouds broke and the angels cried
You ain’t gotta walk alone
That’s why he put me in your way
You came upon wave on wave


It came upon me wave on wave
You’re the reason I’m still here
Am I the one you were sent to save?
It came upon me wave on wave